This:

And here’s what I said about it:

Global Star’s Charlie and the Chocolate Factory could have been a real trip to an amazing place — a melding of jaw-dropping artistic style and license success that would have been a journey with nothing to be directly compared to. There was a real chance for this game to be more then just another licensed game, a real chance for gamers to get a behind-the-scenes tour of the magic of Mr. Wonka’s factory were candy flows endlessly and wild imagination runs amuck.

Well…it’s not.

For anyone who knows that “licensed game” is a derogatory term, this review isn’t going to tell you anything you don’t already know. For parents looking for a game for your children, this isn’t it. Your children have better games already, and will resent you for making them “enjoy” the choppy graphics, nausea-inducing cameras, and lackluster gameplay. For everyone who is still interested in the tour, follow me as we go into Charlie and the Ridiculously Miserable Game.

The magic of Wonka’s factory was left in the chocolate waterfalls of Tim Burton’s movie and the pages of Roald Dahl’s book. What has been presented to the public isn’t a private trip through the Chocolate Factory; it’s a tour of duty as downtrodden, Oompa-Loompa slave labor. Hi, you play Charlie, and now you have to clean up everybody’s mess by ordering the questionably dark-skinned Oompa-Loompas to work while your bratty, malicious, fellow ticket-winners continue on with the fun and the tour.

Then I go ranting on for a couple of paragraphs, and ended with this:

The most depressing aspect of this below-average game is that it involved two personal childhood cult heroes: Tim Burton and Roald Dahl. I wanted to enjoy this game and was secretly hoping this would follow the licensed-sleeper successes of Riddick and GoldenEye 007. As I painfully maneuvered my Charlie from room to room, I grew more and more desperate in my attempt to find redeeming qualities in the game. So desperate that my “pro list” consisted of bullet points like “Charlie’s voice is done by the same actor from the movie,” “the controls are okay at best,” “the music is jaunty,” “this game is in color,” and finally, “at least this game doesn’t punch me in the face.”

Whole review is here, you know, if you feel like punishing yourself one day.